I have been in managing and coaching for nearly 50 years, and I find myself often reflecting on what I have learned. One of the most important lessons life has taught me is that I can’t change people. I actually used to think I could. I was wrong. What we cando is be a positive influence and also teach others how we would like to be treated. We have all known others who have been a positive influence on us.
I remember years ago I was standing in a short line in the service department of an auto dealer. When it was my turn, I began to explain to the advisor the symptoms I was experiencing with my car. He seemed to be impatient and dismissive. Sensing this attitude, I paused and said, “I may be reading you all wrong, and if I am I apoligize. I just get the feeling that you don’t really care about my problem and aren’t that interested in helping. Am I interpreting you correctly?” I said it politely, and there were two others in line behind me. The advisor immediately changed his tune, and got in step with me. Soon my problem was diagnosed and solved. Did I change this person’s attitude? Probably not. If that happened, fine. My goal was to teach him how I wanted to be treated. My first thought was to get mad and snap at him. Instead I got ahold of my attitude and asked a question. Even though there may be many people we would like to change in this world (and I’ll bet they want to change us!). Before we try that, we can start first by teaching others how we would like to be treated.
