Whenever I am coaching, principles and values frequently come into play. Since they are so important, I want to draw a distinction between the two:
We all have values. Al Capone had values as did Mother Theresa. Values define the field we have chosen to play on. They represent the recipe we have developed to get what we want in life.
Principles are different from values. They represent universal truths that cannot be denied. Examples of principles are telling the truth, being kind, and respecting the property of others. If we violate a principle, we suffer.
Here is an example: My 26-year old son is commissioner of a Fantasy Football League. Yesterday, he faced a dilemma: One of his league members was planning on deliberately losing so that another league member could remain in first place. When it became apparent what was going on, the soon-to-be victim was furious and cried foul. Here was my son’s dilemma: Anyone in the league can start or nor start any player they choose. That means that this strategy was within the rules. But how about values?
A good way to determine our own personal values is to assess how we feel about an action afterwards. For example, I consider myself to be a polite person. If I were rude to someone, I would feel badly afterwards. I know other folks who can be harsh, and afterwards be OK with their actions. They don’t have my values.
So what finally happened with the fantasy league conflict? The member decided to play to win, and let the pieces fall. They got in step with their values.
What are your values? Do you know them? Do you live by them? If you don’t, I recommend you spend some time with this. You will become a more authentic person.
