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The power of a personal story
Two weeks ago, I received some shocking news: One of my lifelong best friends had died suddenly of a brain aneurism. We rushed to Lexington, Kentucky to attend the funeral and be there for the spouse and family.
Although we did not arrive in time to go to the wake, we heard about some of the things that were said and it reminded me of what Dale Carnegie referred to as the “Power of the incident”. If we want to celebrate someone’s life, tell a story about them that proclaims their rarity.
For example, many years ago I went to the wake of a friend’s father. One of the cousins got up to the podium and told a story about Wally:
Wally took the same route to work every day. One day, he was stopped at a stoplight and someone blared the horn at him because he didn’t take off like a jackrabbit when the light changed. Wally was calm and didn’t get riled. The next day, the same thing happened with the same guy. Soon, this scene became a daily pattern. After about two weeks, Wally had had enough. When the guy honked, Wally got out of his car, went to the guy, pointed his finger, and said in his pronounced Polish accent: “Look here…if you don’t like my driving, you can just find another route to take, cause I’m not changing a thing”
We all laughed until the tears were rolling down our faces. That story was Wally! It didn’t glorify him, it didn’t denigrate him, it defined him. Ruggedly honest, infectiously candid…that was Wally.
But what do most people do when they speak at a wake? They ramble on with platitudes and generalizations. They just don’t know what to say. Here’s my advice: Think of every person who is special to you and think of a story you can share that defines them. You will find yourself respecting and appreciating each person’s uniqueness even more. And if you every find yourself at their wake, your story will help everyone present honor and celebrate the life of the person who has passed on.