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How to keep on your toes – not your heels
When we ask a question, we are in control. Have you ever been in a conversation where you sensed the other person was distracted, not listening, or only thinking of how they were going to respond? Would you like to know a sure way to re-engage people when you have lost their attention? Here it is: Ask a question! Let me demonstrate by asking you a question: What color is your car? Assuming you own a car, you probably immediately thought of your car and the color. You did that because that is the way we are all trained: When someone asks us a question, we think and respond. That means they have our attention. (It doesn’t mean they will answer the question, but we do have their attention. Their response might be, “None of your business!”)
I experienced my favorite example of this fundamental when I was in my teens growing up in a small town in Southeast Kansas. A development company was beginning to work on some land right across the street from us. Since we were on a rural route, there was septic, and my father and our neighbors took the development company to court. My father, a mechanical engineer, was quite articulate, and knew how to hold his own in just about any situation. The development company hired a high-priced, skilled attorney to defend them. They wanted to make sure they won. They didn’t.
When my father was up for testimony, he was not intimidated. In fact, he was looking forward to taking on the counselor. My father would make a statement, then ask a question. “Do you follow what I am saying?” “Are you with me so far?” Being an engineer, he explained his concerns step by step, and detailed the physical consequences that would result if the development proceeded as designed. He defended his position and won. He succeeded by doing his homework, being prepared, and asking questions to maintain the upper hand. Leaders ask questions to lead the conversation. As Steven Covey says, “Act or be acted upon”