Do you like it when people whine? I didn’t think so. Aside from Oscar the Grouch, I don’t know of anyone who enjoys a whiner. But what if they are just sharing a concern? What is the difference?
For 20 years, I was a facilitator for a 12-week leadership course. In every class I taught, I made sure I asked the question: “What is the difference between whining and sharing a concern?” As I consider all the all the answers I have received over the years, here is how I would sum it up: Whining is self-serving. Sharing a concern is constructive.
Suppose an employee or team member came in to your office complaining about the rest of the staff not doing their job. Furthermore, they talk about how messed up everything is. Once they have vented, here is how you take the air out of the balloon. Ask the questions: “Steve, how should it be?” When someone asks this question, we are both throwing the burden back on them while respecting their opinion at the same time. You can ask this question if you have built some trust with this person. Once you do, you will probably notice that their tone of their voice changes. They may say something like, “Well, I think it would work better if we…. (then go on to explain). You can get them to elaborate, and may end up seriously considering all or part of their idea. In any case, you listened.
What if the person responds differently to your “How should it be?” question? What if they reply, “I don’t know how it should be. I just know this if a lousy team. I am just telling you what is going on. Don’t ask me to solve your problems”. For someone who responds like this, I would strongly recommend you give them a transfer…TO THE COMPETITION! Keep your team a winning team, not a whining team.
