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Category: Team Building
Caring: Where a strong team begins
In the 1989 movie, Steel Magnolia’s, actress Shirley MacLaine plays Louise Boudreaux, a grouchy senior in a laidback southern town. Louisa was among a group of friends who always hung together, even though there were times when they drove each other nuts. They were a community that always had each other’s back.
At the time, this movie was labeled as a “chick flick”. I think that that means it was an intense human interest drama. All that aside, the theme of the movie has stuck with me all these years: Close communities support one another and give each other strength in tough times.
In the past couple months I have taken on the project of going through all my father’s pocket calendars. Dad passed away in ’05, and I decided to take a look at all his old calendars before we discarded them. I am glad I did. His calendar entries were specific and detailed, and each day Dad had faithfully gotten out his yellow highlighter and checked each one that was completed.
As I was going through the entries I noticed how diligent he was at attending funerals and comforting others when they were ill. What surprised me most was the funerals he attended. Some of the deceased were people I knew he clearly didn’t like. Even so, like the movie, they were all part of one community, and they were there to offer comfort and support when needed. Dad didn’t show up to impress someone. He couldn’t have cared less about that. His presence was an act of support and community strength in this small Kansas town.
Today, the world often seems divided. Dad’s calendar is a refreshing reminder to me that things don’t need to be so split apart. Someone once told me that the definition of love was toleration. That’s a good place to start!
Laughter: A minimum daily requirement
Mark Twain once said, “A sense of humor is a sense of proportion.” If that maxim were true in the 19th century, it must be even truer today. We live in a world full of tension. It goes from global to family gatherings. Whether it be health, finances, or relationships, our thoughts can take a downward turn if we are not careful. I have found that a good, “laugh-at-life” sense of humor can often take the tension out of many human interactions that are headed south. There are numerous examples I could use to illustrate this quality. I will share my favorite:
In the spring of 1999, I went to a travelling baseball team tournament with my son David. My parents came along. My father had recently been treated for skin cancer, and it was necessary for him to wear a hat. I must say it was the ugliest “floppy hat” I have ever seen. Dad went to fill up his car. Afterwards he headed for the snack shop to buy a cool drink. As he approached the window, the lady behind the counter snapped, “We’re closed!”, and abruptly shut the window. Rather than becoming angry at being treated so rudely, Dad calmly asked,”Was it the hat that did it?”. The woman immediately began to laugh, opened up the window, and waited on my father. Afterwards she said, “Thanks for brightening my day”.
As I reflect on this story I suspect the woman behind the counter was stressed about something in her life, and the last thing she wanted to do was interact with some old man wearing an ugly hat. Dad’s humor was like medicine to her soul, and a tense situation was turned around into a memorable experience.
Knowing where we stand breeds open communication
There are certain things that irritate us. They just do. We know what those things are. Do others?
Whenever someone is saying or doing something in a way that angers us, that is not good for teamwork and good communication. Here is an example:
Beth is a bookkeeper at a community bank. Her job requires that she manage projects that are time sensitive. Sometimes her supervisor gets twitchy as the deadlines approach. As a result he starts to nag Beth about getting it done. That is not so bad. There are times when most of us need a little nudge. Here’s the problem: Beth prides herself in knowing priorities and making every deadline In Beth’s mind the nag from Nick interrupted her focus, and aggravated her. She decided to address this frustration with Nick. She detailed what he was doing and how it affected her ability to do her job. At this point, Nick knew. That left him with two choices: Either keep nagging so that he could upset Beth, or stop nagging and allow her to enjoy her work with better focus. Nick chose to back off. That’s a “win-win”.
I’ll bet there are things people do or say that make your work more difficult. Consider addressing the other person in a friendly way. Explain the behavior that offends you and how it makes you feel. Then request that they refrain from said activity. Keep your team running smoothly.
Good thinking leads to better voice tone
A couple weeks ago a client requested that I write a blog on “tone of voice”. I liked the idea. How many relationships or business deals suffer because of our tone of voice? Our tone can convey joy, frustration, impatience, condescension, and sometimes hostility. With all that said, how do we maintain better control over the tenor of what we say? It may start with the quality of our thinking. Here’s an example:
Last summer I went to start our tractor mower, and discovered the lightshad be left on and the battery was dead. I immediately realized what happened. My wife was the last one to mow the lawn, and when she turned the mower off, she left the lights on. I decided to stop and tell Joyce what had happened. When I told her I would tell she was a little hurt. I quickly figured out that she resented my tone. She thought I sounded condescending. She was right. That’s because as I spoke I was thinking it was a pretty dumb thing to do. That is what I was thinking, and my attitude leaked into my tone of voice. It almost always does for all of us, and when this happens, it affects how our message comes across.
As I thought about what I had just said and how I said it, I took a step back and did some reflecting. I realized that I had not properly instructed Joyce on how to turn off the mower. I apologized and got myself back on track.
In his book, “The Magic of Thinking Big”, David J. Schwartz talks about “Thinking right about people”. When we are thinkng right about others, we can improve our tone, and also our communication effectivenes.
Six steps to influence positive change without resentment
In my post on September 13th, I talked about how we can prevent gossip by speaking up and confronting situations directly. But wait a minute…What if we try to speak up and it ends up in a vicious argument? We don’t want that.
To create and facilitate a quality conversation that solves problems, builds trust and prevents resentment, here are some points to keep in mind:
- What is your trust level with this person? If we don’t like or respect them, we can bet our attitude about them will leak. (Attitudes almost always do)
- Begin in a friendly way. Assuming we do have adequate trust established, we should begin in a friendly manner. In other words, don’t start out saying, “I have a bone to pick with you!”
- Relate the fact. Without judgment, relate the fact of what the other person did or didn’t do. Then gently describe the effects this action had on you and your ability to do your job.
- Ask them for a solution. Instead of dictating, give the other person a chance to take ownership. Ask them for ideas. Listen, ask questions, and respond.
- Come to a consensus. Decide on solution and make sure you both agree.
- Reassure. Give reassurance that you are good with the solution and the problem is solved. Agree to put the situation behind you, and move forward!
No matter how hard we try, we are going to do things that create a burden for someone else. When we do, imagine how much smoother things will go if we approach in the way outlined above.