Categories
Archives
Search
Subscribe to Our Monthly Digest
Category: Team Building
Yes, we can make a difference
When I was in high school I took a speech class. The teacher made a statement I never forgot: “When we speak up with conviction, we can create a defining moment that shapes our lives, shapes our relationships, and shapes the world.” In other words, we change history! Here is a true story taken from the book, “Crucial Conversations” to demonstrate:
“Kevin, his peers, and their boss were deciding on a new location for their offices – would they move across town, across the state, or across the country? The first two execs presented their arguments for their top choices, and as expected, their points were greeted by penetrating questions from the full team. No vague claim went unclarified, no unsupported reasoning unquestioned.
Then Chris, the CEO, pitched his preference – one that was both unpopular and potentially disastrous. However when people tried to disagree or push back on Chris, he responded poorly. Since he was the big boss he didn’t exactly have to browbeat people to get what he wanted. Instead, he became slightly defensive. First he raised his voice – just a little. It wasn’t long until people stopped questioning him, and Chris’s inadequate proposal was quietly accepted. Well, almost. That is when Kevin spoke up. His words were simple enough – like, ‘Hey Chris, can I check something out with you?’
The reaction was stunning – everyone in the room stopped breathing. But Kevin ignored the apparent terror of his colleagues and plunged ahead. In the next few minutes he in essence told the CEO that he appeared to be violating his own deision-making guidelines. He was subtly using his power to move the new offices to his hometown. After some additional discussion, the boss said, ‘You’re absolutely right,'”
Think of all the positive effects Chris’s speaking up spawned. Families didn’t have to move, kids stayed in their schools, and the company morale was preserved. Remember the “power of one”. Act…or be acted upon!
The secret good motivators know…
“Change of heart can’t be imposed…It can only be chosen”
–Dr. William Miller
Have you ever found yourself giving the same lecture over and over to your kids, relatives, or people who report to you? We can preach, threaten, or even penalize, but what can we do to inspire a change of heart?
A few months ago I called my stove repairman to fix a minor problem. I reached his voicemail, and in the message he mentioned that they would not enter my house unless I was wearing a mask. What nerve, I thought! He is telling me what to do in my own house. I abruptly deleted the contact from my file.
Fast forward to last month: I needed my carpets to be cleaned for the holidays, and I set up an appointment. The personnel were friendly, responsive, and right on time. The enthusiastic service tech came to the front door, and when I greeted him, I was wearing a mask in my own house! Why? Because I had a choice, and I chose to wear it. I thought about the service tech and wondered if he had a family. What if his wife was pregnant? I found myself empathizing rather than just thinking about my position. The tech did a fine job, and even threw in an extra room for free. Now that’s a win-win.
This experience reminded me of an important quality that loved and respected leaders have: The ability to listen, ask questions, and let others choose whenever possible. Even though there are times we must follow other’s directives without much choice, when we can offer someone a choice and let it be their decision, we can inspire that change of heart.
Respected leaders admit when they are wrong
I have two sons who are now married and in their mid-30’s. Growing up, they loved to play baseball in the back yard. One day I was coaching my son, Kevin as he was working on his batting skills. I was frustrated that he wasn’t doing something right, and I made a comment that was not supportive. As soon as I did, Kevin had a puzzled look on his face and asked, “Dad, was that a put-down?” My first instinct was to respond, “Oh no, I just…(blah, blah, blah)”. Instead, I paused, reflected on what I had just said, and replied, “Yes, Kevin. That was a put-down and I was wrong to do that. I am sorry”. When I said that, I could feel the tension leave my body, and Kevin and I were back on track.
To be clear, when I say “put-down”, I do not mean we don’t ever re-direct someone. A strong team strives for excellence, and each team member knows how to keep one another accountable. For example, let’s say I am playing baseball in the outfield and not paying attention. As a result, I mess up a play. My team members have every right to say, “Hey Brainerd, wake-up!”
Throughout the holidays you may be with many friends and relatives. You will also be with your team members at work. Whatever your situation, when you are tempted to find fault, take a step back and pause. If something needs to be said, say it in a way that builds trust and respect, not resentment.
The power of learning and remembering tough names
Who is Coach “K”? If you said “Duke University basketball coach”, you are correct. For extra credit, what does the “K” stand for? Answer: Krzyzewski (pronounced “sha-chef-ski”)
Dale Carnegie once said, “A person’s name is the sweetest sound in any language”. If that is so, it is important we learn people’s names and remember them, even if they are difficult names to spell and pronounce. In my 40 years of leadership training and coaching, I have found that people who put great effort towards remembering names are well respected. Here is an example of how powerful this can be:
Yesterday I went to the hospital to give a blood sample for my rheumatologist. As I was registering, I said, “I am here to give a blood sample. If is for Dr. Geevarghese. (Pronounced “Gee-var-geese”). When I said that, the receptionist and her assistant stopped and stared with their mouths open. Then one of them said, “This is the first time someone has said the doctor’s full name and procounced it correctly. Everyone says “Dr. G”
It is my assumption that Alex Geevarghese is just as proud of his name as someone named John Smith. With that in mind, I make my best effort to remember names. I find that doing so shows respect and helps build trust.
If this sounds trivial, here’s another example for you: A few years ago I was coaching someone who worked with people from the country of Laos. The name of one of his co-workers was extremely long with many syllables. None of this person’s co-workers knew how to pronounce his name. It was too much work. They just called him “Nick”. My client was determined to learn Nick’s name, and he did The next time he saw Nick, he said, “Hello _____ _______” Tears came to the man’s eyes, and he said, “You are the only person here who has taken the time to learn my name. Thank you so much” Lesson learned: We need to make a full effort to learn and use names – even if it is challenging. Take the challenge!
What is charisma?
Charisma. Every boss, professional athlete, politician, or PTA president seems to like that word. We hear people say, “He or she has charisma.” We have also heard someone say, “He or she has no charisma.” OK…so charisma is good…but what is it?
I toiled with this question for many years until one day 20 years ago. I was reading a book by Barbara De Angelis, and she defined charisma as “paying attention”. What a boring definition for such an energy noun! In many ways, she was right:
Several years ago our family was on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. We had two main servers when we dined: Peter and Ozzie. We liked them both. Ozzie was a natural showman, and knew how to perform. Peter was also engaging, but his demeanor was slightly more tempered. Peter ended up being our favorite. Afterwards, we tried to figure out why. Our thoughts kept going back to Peter’s attentiveness. He was the most genuine, and put his focus on others, being in tune to us as individuals. He would sense needs, and respond with help. It seemed his thoughts were so focused on helping others, he did not have time to say, “Look at me!” We did anyway. Peter had true charisma: He was enthusiastic about his work, and he put his focus on serving others. He put these two magic ingredients together. So everyone…pay attention!