Posted: February 24, 2022 | Categories: Self-Improvement

For over 30 years, the first Saturday evening of every month was reserved for our card group. We are a group of eight couples who have lived and shared our lives together since our group started in 1990. We remember each other’s birthdays and give comfort to each other when there is a loss of a parent or loved one, and we are there for weddings and funerals. When the pandemic hit, these monthly gatherings stopped, and gradually we began to lose touch with one another. I am happy to say that our monthly card group events are resuming next month after the 2-year pause.

Many people I talk to have had disruptions in their friendships and families during this two-year trial. Now I notice people starting to come back together. As we all resume the lifestyle we put on hold, may I suggest a word of caution: Take it slow. Many people have been greatly affected by COVID, while others don’t pay much mind to it. What can we do to make sure our “reunion” can be smooth and enjoyable? Well, the old rules apply: Show genuine interest in others and what is going on in their lives. Go beyond the generic topics of sports and the weather. And we need to keep in mind the warning labels: Avoid talking about politics and religion. Diving in to these topics can get messy and quickly make a nice conversation turn ugly. Now I am going to suggest a new warning topic:  COVID! This is a topic that we have seen divide families and affect schools. People have developed strong beliefs about face coverings, mandates, and social distancing. If you dive into these subjects, it is unlikely that you will change someone’s mind, and you will run the risk of weakening the relationships.

Personally, I have had very few conversations regarding the virus. My coaching clients rarely bring it up unless it relates to a problem we are working on. My family doesn’t talk about it. They are having too much fun being new parents, and don’t want to take energy from the conversation.

Last week my wife was re-connecting with an old friend, and the first question she asked was, “Have you gotten the vaccine?…How about the booster?”. “When did you get it?” If you want to ask me such a question, I will reply “I’ll forgive you for asking if you forgive me for not answering”. All that said, May your renewed relationships blossom!

Posted: January 3, 2022 | Categories: Management, Self-Improvement

I have coached and trained almost my entire career. Helping others achieve growth means leading people out of their comfort zones so that they may enjoy a desired new ability. Here is a key fundamental: We learn from our mistakes and we grow from our successes. I share this example:

A couple weeks ago on Christmas day a neighbor boy came to our door and asked if he could use our driveway to practice learning to ride his new bike. His driveway led into the street, and ours ended in our yard…much safer!

He mounted his new bike with his sparkling spokes and was ready to take the plunge. Since I spend so much time coaching people, I couldn’t resist offering a couple tips: First,  I had him start with the right pedal up so that he could get a good start. Second, I encouraged him to pedal hard while looking straight ahead. Don’t look down! He took off and was tempted to look down. I stopped him and yelled, “Keep looking straight ahead!” He did. He had a success and made it all way to the end of the driveway. We repeated it three times, and we had three good outcomes. There were no falls. He was excited, and ran in to tell his Mom and Dad.

My goal in coaching him was not to have him learn by mistakes, rather to grow from his successes. Let’s face it, falling off a bike isn’t too motivating for most people. The lesson learned here is while we may learn from our mistakes, we grow from our wins. Think about it: If the only way we learned was from making mistakes, then the person in Illinois who had the most traffic accidents would be considered the best driver. Would you want to drive with him/her?

Posted: November 30, 2021 | Categories: Leadership, Self-Improvement

“The reason there were so many heroes at the Alamo is that there was no back door”

Whether we are a parent, boss, or in charge of a team, we need to be a good teacher. What do good teachers do? You remember. Think of our favorites growing up. They believed in us, they wanted us to grow and prosper, and they would not let us sell ourselves short. We don’t do much growing in our comfort zone.

There are two types of delegation: One is designed to increase someone’s ability and confidence, and the other is for work distribution.

When I was in 5th grade, my teacher, Mrs. McGinness delegated a project to me. She appointed me editor of the class yearbook. It was a big project, and I didn’t think I could do it. Mrs. McGinness made me believe that I could.

To get started, I needed to break the job into “bite-size” chunks. If I hadn’t, it would have been overwhelming. I shared this list of tasks with Mrs. McGinness, and she directed me to put deadlines on each one. Then she checked in with me on each deadline to make sure I didn’t run into a snag. Losing steam was not an option. There were times when I got overwhelmed, and wanted her to help with the load. Nope. It was my “baby” she told me. I persevered and, if I may say so, did a pretty good job. Mrs. McGinness knew the magic phrases that kept me accountable and prevented her from “buying it back” Here were a few:

• I know you can do it…
• I am counting on you, Steve…
• What is your new plan of action?
• What are you going to do about it now?
• What is plan B?

Mrs. G kept me moving forward. That is what strong leaders do!

Posted: November 16, 2021 | Categories: Customer service, Leadership, Self-Improvement, Team Building

When I decided to become a professional coach, I began a long training process that included numerous practicums I was either directly involved in or part of the audience. These practicums were in the form of role-playing, and I remember one time the person in the coaching role became a little “edgy” when working with his sample client. I thought the coach was going to be criticized for his edginess. Instead, he was praised. What? Here’s why: Good teachers, coaches, and parents know how to pull out the best in people. When your pupil is not giving his or her best, you are probably going to be frustrated or disappointed, and it shows up in your voice. I am not referring to a “nasty” tone. I mean “edgy”. There is a big difference. Here is an example:

A couple weeks ago I was in my garage, and noticed the lawn tractor lights had been left on. As a result, the battery was dead. My wife had been the last one to use the tractor, and I brought the situation to her attention. In he response, I could tell she was irritated. Later that day, I mentioned she had sounded edgy, and asked why. She said she did not like the way I approached her. I asked her what would have been a better approach. She told me. Problem solved.

When those we interact with appear tense, we can gently and tactfully ask them what is bothering them. Sometimes it is us, but other times it is not. They may have had a big argument with their kids or spouse that morning. We don’t know. We ask. If we are the source, we can make the adjustment. If we don’t, resentment can set it in, and teamwork and communication suffer.

Here is the message: If we are not happy with something, don’t be afraid to let it show a little in our voice. If we sense someone else is a little tense, find out why. We will strengthen teamwork and communication.

Posted: October 21, 2021 | Categories: Presentation skills, Sales, Self-Improvement

If you were to review all the commencement addresses since the beginning of time, you would probably be able to make a list of the most vital qualities of success on one page.  I would like to focus on self-discipline.  This attribute is sometimes referred to as the “ironclad quality of success”.  Let me illustrate:

Early in my career, I worked as an account representative for a leadership training company.  I had made a key appointment with the head of a company.  Because I was a rookie, it was required that I have my mentor with me on the appointment.  Jim and I met in the parking lot 15 minutes before the scheduled appointment.  The first question Jim asked me was, “Steve…what is your goal for this call?”  I replied, “I already achieved it.  I got the appointment.  We’ll just go where the music takes us”.  Jim frowned, and said, “Steve, let’s talk through this”  Lesson learned: I should not start preparing for my appointment in the parking lot.  If we are serious about what we do, we prepare thoroughly.

Now let’s look at a “right way” example:  A client of mine had been working to secure a big account for several weeks.  She was competing against some tough opponents.  She got the contract.  Afterwards, she asked the business owner why she was chosen and not one of the others.  The answer was simple:  The boss said, “Because you do your homework”  We can all tell when someone has done their homework, and we respect and appreciate that quality. We believe such a person is self-disciplined, and can be counted on.  Message: Prepare relentlessly.

One final note:  Given all the technology we have today, if we arrive on a sales call having carefully reviewed the prospect’s website, they will know it.  In other words, don’t start off with the question, “So what exactly is it that you do here?”  (Ouch)