Posted: June 21, 2023 | Categories: Customer service, Leadership, Networking, Sales, Self-Improvement

Throughout my nearly 50 year coaching career there is one question I ask that has generated the most productive leadership discussions.  Here it is:  “How many can think of a way to improve relationship and leadership growth that does not include improving our listening skills?”  From the responses I have received from this question, I can only conclude that improving our listening skills is the best single thing we can do to strengthen relationships.

Yesterday I attended a visitation to pay my respects to a very special mentor who passed away earlier this month.  His name was Joe.  The funeral home was packed.  In the memos, people talked about Joe’s caring and sense of humor.  Most importantly, there were many who commented on what a sincere, empathetic listener Joe was.  I remember when I talked to him he would focus on me and not get distracted.  There was no tension in his eyes, and I could easily see that he was listening to understand rather than respond.  It was such a great feeling.  When we can listen as well as Joe, we can make people feel good about themselves and build strong trust.

Now would you like to know how good a listener you are?  OK.  When was the last time you received a compliment for being a good listener?  Hmmm…

Posted: June 13, 2023 | Categories: Sales, Self-Improvement

We’ve all heard expressions like, “it is what it is” and “what goes around comes around”.  Old sayings can help us in our thinking and actions.  They can also hurt us and others.  Here are a couple of my least favorite sayings:  “It never hurts to ask” or “Ask and you shall receive”.  These sound reasonable.  If I am a sales professional, it is important that I ask for the order when the time is right instead of continuing to talk about the features of my product or service.  Many salespeople struggle with closing.

Now let’s look at the other side of the coin:  Has anyone asked you for something and your first thought was, “What nerve!”  We get offended when we feel we are getting played or manipulated.  So when do we ask or not ask?  If what we are about to ask is appropriate, built on trust, and leads to a win-win situation, asking can be a good thing.  If our motive is not noble, we may want to hold back.  Whatever saying or maxim we tend to live by, let’s make sure we apply them unselfishly and with noble motives.  That works!

Posted: April 19, 2023 | Categories: Leadership, Self-Improvement

“Insincerity is shallow and selfish.  It ought to fail and it usually does” 

– Dale Carnegie

I remember reading the above quote over 40 years ago and it remains embedded in my mind.  Insincerity is like counterfeit money:  Eventually you will get busted.

Have you known someone who always starts a conversation asking questions about you and your family?  You probably have.  We enjoy it when others show a genuine interest in us and remember what we have told them.  That is the operative word…GENUINE.  Here is what I mean:

Last week a friend of mine received a call from someone she had not spoken with for many months.  The conversation started off well, and the friend asked about grandkids.  Jill answered by saying that she babysat for her grandkids on Tuesday and Thursday afternoons, and also Sunday afternoons.  Jill’s friend replied, “Oh how nice!”, and then moved on to other topics.  About 10 minutes into the conversation the friend asked, “So do you get a chance to see your grandkids often?”  Jill was stunned.  She had already answered that question earlier and it was apparent her friend had not been listening.  Good listening builds trust.  Lousy listening erodes it.

If you have found yourself making the same mistake that Jill’s friend did, it doesn’t mean you are an insincere person.  I must confess I can think of times when I let myself get distracted and made a similar error.  When I did, I felt like a “penny waiting for change”.  and I apologized for my failure to listen.

The lesson is this:  When we ask questions to find out how others are doing, we LISTEN.  It builds trust and gives us a perfect conversation starter for the next time.  Others will appreciate our genuine and sincere interest in them.

Posted: April 4, 2023 | Categories: Management, Self-Improvement

Have you ever been asked, “Do you have any hobbies?”  If your answer is, “I really don’t have any”, you may be missing something.  The happiest people I know have hobbies.  Those who are in constant stress tend not to have hobbies.  They don’t have the time…right?  Let me tell you about my friend, Dan.  He is 84, and living a life most people only dream of:

Dan began his career in pharmaceutical sales.  He was a champion performer and retired after 30 years on top of his game.  His next move was immediate:  He went to a career in executive coaching and team development.  He became a cohort of mine, and did brilliant work.  He retired after 15 years of coaching.  He was ready for his next career as an entertainer.

Dan is a natural performer and he started his own business of doing comedy and nostalgia shows for nursing homes.  He soon became quite successful, and was booking over 100 shows per year.

Dan is an example of the value of hobbies and avocations.  I can easily think of ten more people with similar stories.  There is one thing we can learn from every one of them:  Always have a hobby or avocation.  Doing so helps ensure balance, reduce stress, and may lead to our exciting next venture in life.

Posted: March 9, 2023 | Categories: Customer service, Leadership, Self-Improvement

I have been in managing and coaching for nearly 50 years, and I find myself often reflecting on what I have learned.  One of the most important lessons life has taught me is that I can’t change people.  I actually used to think I could.  I was wrong.  What we can do is be a positive influence and also teach others how we would like to be treated.  We have all known others who have been a positive influence on us.

I remember years ago I was standing in a short line in the service department of an auto dealer.  When it was my turn, I began to explain to the advisor the symptoms I was experiencing with my car.  He seemed to be impatient and dismissive.  Sensing this attitude, I paused and said, “I may be reading you all wrong, and if I am I apoligize.  I just get the feeling that you don’t really care about my problem and aren’t that interested in helping.  Am I interpreting you correctly?” I said it politely, and there were two others in line behind me.  The advisor immediately changed his tune, and got in step with me.  Soon my problem was diagnosed and solved.  Did I change this person’s attitude?  Probably not.  If that happened, fine.  My goal was to teach him how I wanted to be treated.  My first thought was to get mad and snap at him.  Instead I got ahold of my attitude and asked a question.  Even though there may be many people we would like to change in this world (and I’ll bet they want to change us!).  Before we try that, we can start first by teaching others how we would like to be treated.