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Category: Customer service
We teach others how we want to be treated
I have been in managing and coaching for nearly 50 years, and I find myself often reflecting on what I have learned. One of the most important lessons life has taught me is that I can’t change people. I actually used to think I could. I was wrong. What we can do is be a positive influence and also teach others how we would like to be treated. We have all known others who have been a positive influence on us.
I remember years ago I was standing in a short line in the service department of an auto dealer. When it was my turn, I began to explain to the advisor the symptoms I was experiencing with my car. He seemed to be impatient and dismissive. Sensing this attitude, I paused and said, “I may be reading you all wrong, and if I am I apoligize. I just get the feeling that you don’t really care about my problem and aren’t that interested in helping. Am I interpreting you correctly?” I said it politely, and there were two others in line behind me. The advisor immediately changed his tune, and got in step with me. Soon my problem was diagnosed and solved. Did I change this person’s attitude? Probably not. If that happened, fine. My goal was to teach him how I wanted to be treated. My first thought was to get mad and snap at him. Instead I got ahold of my attitude and asked a question. Even though there may be many people we would like to change in this world (and I’ll bet they want to change us!). Before we try that, we can start first by teaching others how we would like to be treated.
Caring: Where a strong team begins
In the 1989 movie, Steel Magnolia’s, actress Shirley MacLaine plays Louise Boudreaux, a grouchy senior in a laidback southern town. Louisa was among a group of friends who always hung together, even though there were times when they drove each other nuts. They were a community that always had each other’s back.
At the time, this movie was labeled as a “chick flick”. I think that that means it was an intense human interest drama. All that aside, the theme of the movie has stuck with me all these years: Close communities support one another and give each other strength in tough times.
In the past couple months I have taken on the project of going through all my father’s pocket calendars. Dad passed away in ’05, and I decided to take a look at all his old calendars before we discarded them. I am glad I did. His calendar entries were specific and detailed, and each day Dad had faithfully gotten out his yellow highlighter and checked each one that was completed.
As I was going through the entries I noticed how diligent he was at attending funerals and comforting others when they were ill. What surprised me most was the funerals he attended. Some of the deceased were people I knew he clearly didn’t like. Even so, like the movie, they were all part of one community, and they were there to offer comfort and support when needed. Dad didn’t show up to impress someone. He couldn’t have cared less about that. His presence was an act of support and community strength in this small Kansas town.
Today, the world often seems divided. Dad’s calendar is a refreshing reminder to me that things don’t need to be so split apart. Someone once told me that the definition of love was toleration. That’s a good place to start!
Knowing where we stand breeds open communication
There are certain things that irritate us. They just do. We know what those things are. Do others?
Whenever someone is saying or doing something in a way that angers us, that is not good for teamwork and good communication. Here is an example:
Beth is a bookkeeper at a community bank. Her job requires that she manage projects that are time sensitive. Sometimes her supervisor gets twitchy as the deadlines approach. As a result he starts to nag Beth about getting it done. That is not so bad. There are times when most of us need a little nudge. Here’s the problem: Beth prides herself in knowing priorities and making every deadline In Beth’s mind the nag from Nick interrupted her focus, and aggravated her. She decided to address this frustration with Nick. She detailed what he was doing and how it affected her ability to do her job. At this point, Nick knew. That left him with two choices: Either keep nagging so that he could upset Beth, or stop nagging and allow her to enjoy her work with better focus. Nick chose to back off. That’s a “win-win”.
I’ll bet there are things people do or say that make your work more difficult. Consider addressing the other person in a friendly way. Explain the behavior that offends you and how it makes you feel. Then request that they refrain from said activity. Keep your team running smoothly.
Good thinking leads to better voice tone
A couple weeks ago a client requested that I write a blog on “tone of voice”. I liked the idea. How many relationships or business deals suffer because of our tone of voice? Our tone can convey joy, frustration, impatience, condescension, and sometimes hostility. With all that said, how do we maintain better control over the tenor of what we say? It may start with the quality of our thinking. Here’s an example:
Last summer I went to start our tractor mower, and discovered the lightshad be left on and the battery was dead. I immediately realized what happened. My wife was the last one to mow the lawn, and when she turned the mower off, she left the lights on. I decided to stop and tell Joyce what had happened. When I told her I would tell she was a little hurt. I quickly figured out that she resented my tone. She thought I sounded condescending. She was right. That’s because as I spoke I was thinking it was a pretty dumb thing to do. That is what I was thinking, and my attitude leaked into my tone of voice. It almost always does for all of us, and when this happens, it affects how our message comes across.
As I thought about what I had just said and how I said it, I took a step back and did some reflecting. I realized that I had not properly instructed Joyce on how to turn off the mower. I apologized and got myself back on track.
In his book, “The Magic of Thinking Big”, David J. Schwartz talks about “Thinking right about people”. When we are thinkng right about others, we can improve our tone, and also our communication effectivenes.
Make a good first impression
When I was a senior in high school, my sociology class conducted a group discussion. The question was: “Do clothes make the man?” I had no idea what the teacher meant. How ridiculous! Clothes don’t make the man…Character does! What that doesn’t take into account is first impressions. How long do first impressions last? Sometimes forever. How quick do we form first impressions? Answer: About 30 seconds.
With all these points rattling in my mind, I decided to do an experiment: It was about 30 years ago, and I was on a business trip in Springfield, Illinois. I was calling on some key clients and I was looking my best. I wore my favorite suit, my hair was well groomed, and I stopped at a fast food restaurant for a sandwich. I received a smile and a warm greeting from the person who took my order.
The next day as I was preparing to leave town, I intentionally put on grubby clothes -very grubby! I wore a threadbare flannel shirt and old torn blue jeans. I also hadn’t bothered to come my hair. I approached the same fast food restaurant I had the day before and ended up with the same person. When I walked up she did not smile and asked in a monotone, “Can I help you?” When she brought back my order she just handed me the tray and said nothing. Didn’t she recognize me? Apparently not.
This experience taught me the power of making a good 1st impression. Comb your hair, shine your shoes, and look your best. You will help establish instant credibility and make a better first impression.