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Strong leaders shoot straight
As time goes by, most of us tend to get set in our ways. This can be good, and it can also hold us back from making necessary changes.
From a leadership perspective, the word “breakthrough” means a positive change in attitude or behavior that would not have been predicted looking at past behavior. We love breakthroughs!
Recently I observed a breakthrough with one of my clients: There was a team member who was not eager and did not present a professional appearance. We’ll call him Sam. Since Sam’s job involves direct contact with customers, this was a problem.
Fortunately for Sam, his boss cared about him and was a straight shooter. Sue had a conversation with Sam that was direct and respectful. She clearly communicated that he was below standard and she detailed what needed to change if he wanted to remain on the team.
A couple months later, Sue was short-handed, and decided to put Sam in a high-profile assignment and give him another try. Sue’s expectations were low, but much to her surprise, Sam did “fantastic”. His attitude had changed and he presented hiself as a model of professionalism. It was a breakthrough.
Wouldn’t we all like to see more breakthroughs with the people we count on? Like Sue, we need to care and talk straight.
Emotional intelligence starts with thinking right about people
Have you ever talked to an excellent customer service rep regarding a product or service-related problem? It is amazing how kind, caring and helpful a good rep can be. They must talk to their share of angry and irritating people, yet they have sense of equanimity about them that is fascinating. They have learned to “think right about people”, not take things personally, and focus on solving our problem.
When I was in my 20’s, I managed a property for a national lodging chain. I remember a specific customer we’ll call Mr. “K”. He was demanding, abrasive, and treated the front desk staff poorly. It wasn’t long before the team saw Mr. “K” as “persona non grata”. I could tell Mr. “K” was beginning to affect the morale of my staff, and decided to follow the philosophy of Mark Twain: “A sense of humor is a sense of proportion.”
I have always been good at impersonating others, and I developed a good impersonation of Mr. “K”. I captured his voice and mannerisms and began to act in character. I would wander around the front desk area with the stern look and intimidating voice of Mr. “K”. Each time I needed to tell the staff something or correct them on an error, I played Mr. “K”. The staff loved it, and we had a blast. I must admit that at first we were mocking him. Then a change occurred that we would not have predicted: We began to like Mr. “K” and looked forward to his visits. We were thinking good about him, and it showed up in our tone and facial expressions. This change in our thinking resulted in a change in our behavior. You see, abrasive people are not used to being treated kindly. Being nice to them can be disarming.
Mr. “K” became one of our favorite guests. He raved about our place and referred his friends to us. He was a walking commercial. The lesson here comes from author David J. Schwartz: We should “think right about people”. When we do, we strengthen relationships and become more influential.
Bullying: It’s not just for kids
If you are a parent, there usually comes a moment when your child needs to deal with a bully. I also believe that adults in the workplace must sometimes deal with a bully. According to the dictionary, a bully is, “A person who habitually seeks to harm or intimidate those who they perceive as vulnerable.” In other words, a bully is a coward, and they enjoy picking on someone who lets them. Please note the word enjoy.
I can truly say that I cannot recall allowing myself to be bullied in my childhood or adult life. Many have tried. I learned a valuable lesson early: Bullies like to bully, but only if it is a pleasant experience for them. My commitment was to make sure any bully who tried to pick on me would find the experience unpleasant and not worth repeating. We don’t need to be Chuck Norris, we just need to make sure that bullying us is not a pleasant experience
In adult life we can also be bullied. When someone says something mean to us, we can take a time out with that person and say, “You just said _______. I am not exactly sure what you meant by that. Please elaborate” I would politely and respectfully put them on the spot rather than absorb the hit. They soon got the message that bullying me was not going to be an experience worth repeating.
Many years ago, I was talking with a player on the Chicago Bears, and he mentioned he often had to face Walter Peyton in scrimmage. He said he dreaded having to tackle Walter Peyton. I said, “Gee, I thought he was a nice guy”. The player said, “He is. It just hurts to tackle him.” Tackling Walter Peyton was like trying to stop a ton of bricks. It wasn’t an experience you would want to repeat.
You may be a victim of bullying in the workplace or you may know someone who is. If so, do your best within good reason to make the bully not want to try again.
Developing good email “smarts”
Many years ago there was an aftershave commercial with the tagline: “Hai Karate…be careful how you use it!” When I think of the attributes of email, I often recall that aftershave commercial. Email is a tool, and like a hammer, you can use it to build a house or tear it down. In business, we want to build.
Responding quickly when appropriate: We have all been in a situation where we needed data, a model number, or a code to complete a task. We email someone who we know can help, and we appreciate it when they get right back to us. Downsde: Responding quickly to every email we receive could be a distraction, and affect our time management.
Send on Monday morning: A postal employee once told me that the best time to go to the post office is before 10am on Saturday. They were right! Likewise, here is the rule for sending an important email: Sent it out first thing Monday morning so that it will be at the top.
Using emoji’s: According to email strategist Emma Russell, emoji’s can give us a nice emotional spike, but they work best when sending them to people you know. “Using emoji’s with strangers can have unintended consequences.”
Question: When should we phone rather than email? That’s debatable. My rule of thumb: If someone is writing me an email and I can tell they are upset with me, my response would probably be two words”: “Let’s talk”
The #1 pathway to leadership growth
Throughout my nearly 50 year coaching career there is one question I ask that has generated the most productive leadership discussions. Here it is: “How many can think of a way to improve relationship and leadership growth that does not include improving our listening skills?” From the responses I have received from this question, I can only conclude that improving our listening skills is the best single thing we can do to strengthen relationships.
Yesterday I attended a visitation to pay my respects to a very special mentor who passed away earlier this month. His name was Joe. The funeral home was packed. In the memos, people talked about Joe’s caring and sense of humor. Most importantly, there were many who commented on what a sincere, empathetic listener Joe was. I remember when I talked to him he would focus on me and not get distracted. There was no tension in his eyes, and I could easily see that he was listening to understand rather than respond. It was such a great feeling. When we can listen as well as Joe, we can make people feel good about themselves and build strong trust.
Now would you like to know how good a listener you are? OK. When was the last time you received a compliment for being a good listener? Hmmm…