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Being relaxed, focused, and present
I am going to describe a very special person: When you call or meet with this person, he or she is relaxed and totally present, even if they are surrounded by chaos. For most of us in this situation, the stress would show on our face or be heard in our voice. How can we acquire this greater sense of equanimity?
Many years ago I heard a quote that helped me greatly in this area. “Success is not so much knowing what to do, rather it is knowing what to do next.” Here are some best practices I have found in common with people who are calm, focused, and present:
- They know where they are going and our committed to do what it takes to get there.
- They know their Key Result Areas and manage them well to stay in balance.
- They plan and prepare relentlessly. Instead of going with a simple “to do” list, their objectives for the day are directly designed to advance towards their goals, and they have their tasks and activities in proper sequence and priority.
- And now for their secret: When they plan their week or day, they look at their discretionary time and plan using only 70% of it What is the other 30% for? The unexpected. There are always going to be problems and crises that occur unexpectedly. Planning with the 70% formula enables us to allow the priorities that weren’t planned for. You can be sure that if you plan 100% of your time, you will soon become overwhelmed and demoralized. Leaving 30% open provides a natural buffer zone that enables us to feel calm and focused.
Are you a people builder?
Enrico Caruso, Charles Dickens, and H.G. Wells all had something in common: In addition to becoming world famous and making history, all three had the experience of receiving some encouragement at a moment when they were near self-destruction. In each case, someone took a few minutes to stop and point out their gifts and affirm their value.
If we are in there and out there in this world, we likely have the same opportunity – to stop and take the time to sincerely recognize someone for a great performance or good work.
Last week my wife and I were in a church service and a musical number was performed by a young lady named Celia. She sang and played the violin during the song and both elements were virtuoso. After the service we stayed back and walked up to Celia to let her know what a wonderful job she did and how gifted she was. Celia was with her Dad at the time, and the smiles on their faces were heartwarming.
I am not sure if our comments made a difference for her. For us, it felt so right to take the time to say thank you and acknowledge someone with such a special talent.
Whether it be Caruso, Dickens, Wells, or Celia, taking the time to genuinely acknowledge and appreciate someone’s special attributes can build up others. We all likely have the opportunity to do this each day. Be a people builder!
Sometime it is better to let a little wrong live…
Every Friday evening, my wife and I look forward to doing our weekly grocery shopping together. Our kids are grown and on their own, and Friday evenings are an event.
Last Friday we were ready to go to the checkout lane, and we chose the self-checkout. Joyce likes this option better because it is easier to follow along to make sure all the prices are correct. The only problem was, this time we had a fully loaded grocery cart that was way over the limit for the self-checkout lane. One of the regular checkers saw our cart and came over to say, “I have no line right now. Would you like me to check you out?” She was polite. She could have interfered by saying we had too many items for the self-checkout, but she didn’t. Joyce thanked her for the offer and gently declined.
When this happened, I found myself getting irritated: It was embarrassing. We should have accepted the offer of help and moved to the appropriate checkout lane. I managed to stay calm, but no doubt Joyce could tell from my facial expression that I was upset. I could feel some tension. Then, I took a step back in my mind and gave it some thought:
Putting myself in Joyce’s shoes, I realized that she was doing what she has always done. She knows how to get the most from our food dollar, and that is a lot of work these days! We must clip coupons on each website, carry our smartphone and make sure we have selected the right item and in the right quantity. Thanks to Joyce and her good planning, we have managed out finances well.
I told her of my concern, and quickly acknowledged that I understood she was just doing her work to get the most from our dollars.
Stephen Covey says: “Seek first to understand”. Let me add one more maxim: “Sometimes it is better to let a little wrong live than a lot of love die!”
Proper training prevents panic
This morning I was talking with a client who had just navigated herself through a crisis. She was hosting a big event and just before the event was to take place, she discovered that one of the three team members was missing a certification, and the event could not proceed until this problem had been solved. Sara responded quickly, and was able to find someone with the proper certification to lead the event. She didn’t panic…she acted.
Shortly after I began my career, I heard an axiom that I have never forgotten: “If we are suddenly in a crisis situation, we will respond in the manner in which we have been trained.” If we haven’t had training, we will panic.
One of my favorite examples of how strong training can pay off happened on July 20, 1969. Astronauts Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin had just landed on the moon. It was a thrilling moment in US history. Later on, we learned that the astronauts had a mechanical problem after landing. They discovered a broken circuit breaker switch on the Lunar Module. The switch was needed to send power to the ascent engine. If they failed to fix it, they would have remained on the moon!
Keeping a cool head, Armstrong and Aldrin used a small, felt-tipped pen to fix the broken switch. It worked! They returned safely to the Command Module.
Think of your own business or organization. Do you need to host a CPR class or a fire drill? Are you prepared to have your wits about you in a panic situation? If there is something we need to do to be more prepared, we need to take action!
Triumph by building on your strengths
In the spring of 1998, I was “drafted” into the job of coaching a little league team of 9 and 10-year olds. This would be my son’s second year with his team, and if I didn’t agree to be the coach, he would end up on another team. OK…I’m in!
I began my job right away. I met all the kids and parents. I said, “Some of you want to win, while others would be satisfied to see their son have a fun, worthwhile experience. We are going to do both – win and have fun!”
My first step was to evaluate strengths. I wanted to see the capabilities in the areas of fielding, running, throwing, base-running, and hitting. I also paid attention to those who had the most winning attitude. They were who I built the team around. Then I developed my strategy. It was simple…no walks! Throwing and fielding were the most prominent strengths I observed. That meant we would make outs quickly, and no runs would be scored as a result of walks. My defensive strategy worked. We ended the season in 2nd place with a 15-3 winning record. The three teams that beat us did so only by a run. They were good hitters, and their coach encouraged them to swing the bat and never draw a walk. They were winning on their strengths.
Here was what I learned from this experience. The quickest way to grow is to know your strengths, leverage them, and build on them. When we succeed, we will work on the areas we need to get better. Remember, if the only way we grow is learning from our mistakes, then the best driver on the road would be the one with the most mishaps. I don’t think we would want to drive with that person!