I have two sons who are now married and in their mid-30’s. Growing up, they loved to play baseball in the back yard. One day I was coaching my son, Kevin as he was working on his batting skills. I was frustrated that he wasn’t doing something right, and I made a comment that was not supportive. As soon as I did, Kevin had a puzzled look on his face and asked, “Dad, was that a put-down?” My first instinct was to respond, “Oh no, I just…(blah, blah, blah)”. Instead, I paused, reflected on what I had just said, and replied, “Yes, Kevin. That was a put-down and I was wrong to do that. I am sorry”. When I said that, I could feel the tension leave my body, and Kevin and I were back on track.
To be clear, when I say “put-down”, I do not mean we don’t ever re-direct someone. A strong team strives for excellence, and each team member knows how to keep one another accountable. For example, let’s say I am playing baseball in the outfield and not paying attention. As a result, I mess up a play. My team members have every right to say, “Hey Brainerd, wake-up!”
Throughout the holidays you may be with many friends and relatives. You will also be with your team members at work. Whatever your situation, when you are tempted to find fault, take a step back and pause. If something needs to be said, say it in a way that builds trust and respect, not resentment.
