Conflict management starts with ownership

Posted: March 25, 2016 | Categories: Leadership, Self-Improvement

Have you even seen a situation when someone you work with was verbally attacked by their boss for a mistake they did not make?  What happens when the attacker realizes he or she made a false assumption and he or she is wrong?  Usually it is one of these 4 things:

1.  Pretending like it never happened and proceeding as normal.  Really?  Now you have offended me twice.  My enthusiasm for my work is falling through the floor!
2. Acts very friendly for a day or two as his or her way of showing their apology.  What a coward!  You expect me to take ownership and admit my mistake.  What you model is different.  My respect for you as a leader just went down two notches.
3. Apology #1:  (The selfish one)  “Sue, I want to apologize for the scene I created the other day when talking to you about that error.  I was not modeling professionalism, and it is not behavior I am proud of”  Oh yeah?  So it’s all about you, huh?  What about me and my feelings?  That is more important that your modeling professionalism.
4. Apology #2:  (Ownership + empathy):  “Sue, I am sorry for the way I talked to you yesterday regarding that problem.  As an loyal employee here for 12 years, you deserved much better.  I created stress and humiliated you in front of your team.  I am sorry. I was wrong” OK.  You understand.  You are not perfect.  I know you mean well.  I appreciate your understanding my feelings and your sensitivity to them.  I am fine.

Now, if you are a boss, which one of these apologies shows the strongest leadership?  As bosses, our job is to build others and make them successful as well as get desired results from them.  How can we get someone’s best effort if they are upset, and resentful?  We can’t.  When we make a mistake, we need to admit it quickly,  own it, and empathize.  You do want a top performing team…don’t you?

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